... and the cycle repeats itself ...

...five years on...... and where i am.... no where... juz da same old fat loser... hoping and hoping... and that's all i ever do.. hope... and not exactly doing anything about it...

how i hated this day...

how i hate myself more...

its just a sinking feeling knowing that u could have done much more but just cant... how things would have been different IF.... and dat IF word comes into play..... IF this IF that... a siily excuse for a failure which i dug myself into...

oh and the way things are going on... it'll seem that the cycle will most likely repeats itself...

WHY? i used to ask myself that qns... WHY?

only to realize how much of a fool i was in the past... and the worse thing is that i nvr change... forever making the same mistakes as i did in the past... only to laugh at myself again and again.. humour in tragedy it seems...

i dont know why but it seems the skies are grey most of da time.. or maybe its just me... a dull and grey person...

its just me i guess... da same old fat guy who hates himself...

... one step forward ... three steps back ... major ranting ...

it kind of sucks knowing that somehow that the more you do, it ends up becoming worse.. the more effort you put in the worse it becomes... heck even doing nothing also has negative effects as well... well thats a life a loser goes through... just the part and parcel... and the cycle repeats itself... well given the circumstacnce what can a guy do?? just hope for the best??

i'm not a victim of circumstance.. just a victim of my own circumstance...

how grim reality is... its like i've been building a facade for these past few weeks... thinking that i could finally break free of this mundaneness... but heck... once a loser always a loser.. who am i kidding anyways... heck... the sheer magnitude at which the bubble in which i surround myself in burst... back to where i am... nowhere... still sinking in the bottomless pit...

heck i still don't know why i even bother to post a blog... and as i stare into the blank screen... thinking of the next line... i just wonder... who'll even bother to read this crap in the first place?? heck i can only think of one person... the loser who's writing this crap in the first place...

i do wanna change... but its just that... no matter what i do i'll end up back to where i started.. nowhere... the harder i try.. the harder i fall... so in the end i just give up ... call me me anything you like.. i just don't care anymore...

it kind of sucks not knowing what i'll become in the future... or not knowing what i wanna do in the future... the promise of a bright future when we were young has totally been wiped out by reality... i really envy those people who has a path laid out for them... or one which was out created by their sheer will and hard work dedication.. etc etc... i'm too stupid and lazy and even if i try since i'll end up knowing i'll fail in the end wads the use...

whatever it is.... i just dont care anymore...

bored, major randomness

heck.. like anyone would read this... but anywayz.. if youve accidentally or nonaccidentally or juz accidentally not so nonunaccidentially untentionally stumble upon here.. den kudos.. youve juz wasted a few precious minutes of ur life reeading some random words up until this point..

okay to make thigs short... i dun know wad im talking or aiming to talk about also.. i dun know why youre here but heck since ur here anwywayz.. i talking up some random stuff which is pointless and random in every way..

random intro, now random body, heck even a random conclusion if i have one later on.. and now not so random part... 2 weeks gone and now another 2 weeks of attachment... seems mundane.. but heck.. everytin seems mundane to me.. time passing by a rate of 1 sec per sec.. which is like duh.. and like at this point of time.. the only ting i can think of is randomness... its like.. after slugging it out everyday.. 8 hours of non stop work to da point of slavery.. and all we get at the end of it is juz some lazy ticks for remarks.. juz because some ppl view demselves at the centre of the world.. in fact they think da world revolves around them... what to do.. since the world doesnt revolve around me, it doesnt matter altogether.. life is definitely fair all right... in fact i admire those ppl who can bootlick thier way all da way to da top.. how can dey do it?? imagine da smelly asses... imagine??? dun wan to huh... smelly asses??? smelly asses??? okay okay u got da point.. and again some random stuff... da only thing i hope to ever bootlick is sweet things.. like a lollipop.. from a candyshop.. after someone take me there... and again randomness... yeah dun forgetto bring my umbrella.. ella ella.. a a a ... and i wonder y i cant make a decent song... tomato.. ato ato, o o o .... hows dat for a grammy... and add an oscar for me while im there..

hmmm does blogging seems fun.. i dun knoe.. seems like im jz wrinting.. since im tired of always talking to myself.. wad to do.. promoted another level of being a loser.. i have to actually type out juz to talk to myself.. and some random ppl who chose to randomly visit my site..

uz staring at dis post and thinking of wad random stuff bablle on next... and wad comes to my mind, in fact has always been stuck to my mind, which isnt as random as wad random is really is.. y am i in dis predicament... its like i wad i realli wan and is like all i get are the things which is the opposite.. no matter wad i do its like an accident waiting to happen... its like.. like.. things never realli goes the way i want i to.. or morelike wad ihope it would be... its like reach to da point where i dun realli care anymore.. or more like ive given up.. sore loser is more like it.. i wan to be a good fren to be everyone.. but seems i can really go out dere and put up a real smile... might as well juz run away from reality and go hide in my room... and for some random ppl out there who actually knoes me.. dis is why i tend to be introvert.. i juz cant put on a facade and show everyone im happy... ye s i know all da good things ppl try to console me on... but it juz doesnt matter to me anymore..... mundane..... da only place i wanna be in is away from it all... if only i can juz run away.. escape reality.... its like im chained.. i have a very nice family.. and dats da only thing dats keeping me sane....

am i really supposed to be like dis.... in fact,. i dun knoe y i even bother to blog anyway.... haha.. in fact ive juz asked someone to read my blog... and i call it randomness... hmm...

farhan's world!

finally i've created a blog... maybe influnced by others blog that i've decided to have one.. haha.. most probably there'll be nobody visiting this site.. but anywayz i'll update when i'm bored an have nothing else to da anywayz.. now i'll just spice up my a blog in a bit..